Shadow Workbook

Shadow Workbook: Understanding the Shadow

This is the first in an ongoing series available free to Patrons in which I will provide themed journal prompts designed to help you uncover and integrate your Shadow Self. Your Shadow is the personification of all parts of yourself which you ignore (consciously or unconsciously) or feel uncomfortable addressing. Because we often ignore painful and traumatic memories, the Shadow Self gets a bad reputation and is often only associated with pain and difficult. While you will definitely find those things when working with your Shadow, you will also find all of the strengths that you consider insecurities, hidden talents, and an abundance of resilience and resourcefulness that you didn't realize you had. 

Understanding the nature of your Shadow is the first step. The Shadow Self is a product of self-preservation. Whether consciously or unconsciously created, it is a product of self-love. Sometimes, it even becomes the home of it. Regardless of how you currently feel about yourself, there is a part of you that cares enough about you to house anything you perceived as a threat. What an incredible act of love. Let's get to know them.

The benefits of understanding and integrating your Shadow are countless. I promise that as you engage in this work you will find a greater sense of self, increased confidence, and better perspective of who you are and what you want. Your behavior will become more consistent and you will trust yourself more. In my experience, I have found that integrating my Shadow has led me to make more responsible and fulfilling choices, made dealing with stress much easier, and helped me develop my innate talents with more ease and confidence. I desperately want to help others with healing their own souls and positioning themselves to better understand and unlock their greater potential.

In order to better understand your Shadow, you must first practice mindfulness and understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in your present day to day. We will begin here and dive deeper as we become more acquainted with the self.

Your first prompt is: What do I miss about myself?

Consider the different versions of yourself that you have expressed throughout your life. What do you miss? Why is that no longer a part of who you are? Perhaps it was a childlike wonder or curiosity about the world, or maybe it is the freedom and safety you felt before you experienced abuse that you are missing. Whatever you may be craving, write it down and acknowledge any and all emotions that this exercise stirs up. Any feeling you experience is valid, and has a cause. Explore that if you can, but if identifying the feeling is all you can do right now then that is a great first step. Once you are done journaling, thank yourself for this act of self-love and reward yourself with something you enjoy.

In Memoriam

The United States of America lost one of its greatest leaders yesterday. The passing through the veil of Supreme Court Justice Bader-Ginsburg has rubbed salt in the wound of an already mourning nation. The impact of her work and influence cannot be measured in lace collars, legislation, or tears alone. Let it be measured by the perseverance and rage of millions of Americans who refuse to let her life be in vain.

Justice Bader-Ginsburg was many things, but she was not the last line of defense against Gilead. She was one of many women in this nation’s history who fought for equality and justice in the face of blatant oppression and tribulation. 

One of the greatest lessons that Justice Bader-Ginsburg taught me was to see the humanity in monsters. Her friendship with Justice Scalia felt like a personal betrayal. I could not fathom how a  woman who fought for freedom so vehemently could share a meal with the man bitterly fighting to take those freedoms away. I cannot pretend to understand her motivations or reasoning, but she did teach me a lesson. She saw him not as a monster, but as a man. She taught me never to see your adversaries as more or less than human. Either perspective gives them too much power and permission to act in inhumane ways. She taught me that there can be no Justice without Temperance.

She was one of precious few role models I found in this country. Let her be the last monument to a bygone era. For years, she stood a bastion of change and progress. She inspired millions by changing the fate of this country through legislation, and yet despite her myriad accomplishments, she alone was never enough. Gone are the days of heroes. The weight of Justice cannot fall to so few.

Justice Bader-Ginsburg ensured that her posterity had access to rights and education and safety that were previously only gifted to the select few. What will you do with these gifts? Her life’s work was a call to women everywhere to don the mantle she bore. Very few answered. Her last words to the public are harrowing. The notion that an accomplished 87 year old woman with a 27 year service record on the highest court in the land cannot peacefully pass because of her concern for the welfare of her country is a disgrace-- and it is from our complacency. The death of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg is a wake-up call to many. If this is the most afraid you’ve ever been, acknowledge your privilege.

Mourn, but do so in a way befitting to her legacy. Work tenaciously toward the betterment of society. See the humanity in the monsters. And if you are afraid, answer the call while you still can. Let the fear you now feel teach you that the responsibility to ensure the safety and prosperity of the nation falls on the shoulders of all its inhabitants.         

Tarot Crash Course

Tarot Crash Course

Intro: 

What I love about Tarot is that it will meet you where you are. Many people turn to tarot to see the future, and let me tell you, that will only happen if you are in imminent danger or you have ALL your shit together. You need to set realistic expectations for your reading. Rarely will you find the answers you are looking for. What you think is important may not be what the cards want to tell you. You also need to decide who you are working with when you use your cards because that will affect the outcome of your reading. 

There is no limit to what your cards can tell you, but there are limits to what you can see/hear/feel/know. You don’t get to know the future if you can’t handle your present. 

My entry to tarot:

I got my first deck from a Barnes and Noble spinner display when I was barely a teenager. I think I bought it with a gift card. I taught myself how to read with it, but I didn’t like those cards at all. We didn’t get along and they felt really awkward in my hands so I didn’t take it very far from there, although I would occasionally give my friends readings. I bought myself Fortune Telling with Playing cards with my Amazon Mechanical Turk money, found some playing cards from WWII still in their packaging from a thrift store-- they are beautiful with silver edging-- and began fortune-telling that way. Those cards have a very distinct energy and history and it made all the difference. I usually prefer reading with secondhand cards. I bought myself a deck in grad school, knowing that it wasn’t really mine and I was just keeping it warm for the right witch. I was given my current deck last year and we are very happy together. I’ve been reading with one deck or another for about a decade, usually for myself, friends, and family. 

Why are there a million different decks?

Choosing a deck is hard, and you don’t always get it right the first time. Each deck has its own personality. Nobody can get along with everyone. Many people swear that you need to start out with a “classic” tarot, by which they mean the Rider Waite deck, but that’s ridiculous. Start with whatever deck you are most drawn to. Approach choosing a deck like you would a friend or a business partner. You need to be able to sustain a relationship with your cards. They are your tools and your coworkers. I think the most powerful connections form when someone uses a deck that speaks to their experience. If you work with the fae, then maybe a fae deck is best for you. If your practice is rooted in African Folk Magick, choose a deck designed by another practitioner or one that features your deities. The Rider Waite deck uses classic imagery that was very relatable at the time it was drawn, but the symbolism and cultural nuance has since shifted. Using a modern deck that speaks to you is truer to the tradition of tarot, and much, much easier to understand when you are first starting out. Eventually, you won’t even need to look at the cards to read someone, they will become a prop. Until then, use them to help develop your psychic ability. 

I found my deck on Etsy, which I highly recommend for supporting independent artists. They also do carbon offset shipping which is important to me. If you can afford the additional markup, please see if a local metaphysical shop can order them for you. They can also be a great resource for finding a deck that suits you and can recommend books to assist you in developing your craft. 

Don’t get discouraged if you get a deck and you just don’t jive with it. This is common. Another will come along and things will be much, much easier. Try borrowing another person’s deck, or finding a cheap one online. When in doubt, practice reading with playing cards. I’ve found they’re much less temperamental. 

Bonding with your deck:

I take my deck everywhere, and not just out of necessity. I feel it is important for my deck to be with me, so we are consistently in sync and so that it doesn’t feel neglected. There have been times where neglected decks won’t let me read from the as they just refuse to help at all. Take the time to introduce yourself to your deck. Ask it what it likes, what it wants, if it is willing to work with you. Thank your deck after every reading. Don’t shoot the messenger- remember that your deck will match your energy, be nice even when the message you get isn’t. 

Choosing where your information is coming from:

You aren’t pulling a reading out of your ass. So where are these messages coming from? It is essential that you choose who/what you are working with when you are pulling tarot. Not every entity is your friend, and if you are inexperienced it may be hard to differentiate between friend and foe. I would advise casting a circle, sweeping, spreading some salt, lighting a candle, etc. for protection when you are first starting out. As far as choosing who you are working with when using tarot, you have several options (and probably more than I’ve listed here).

Angels

Angels are very popular figures for people to invoke when using tarot or other forms of cartomancy, especially if you started reading in the 90’s in Doreen Virtue’s heyday. They are familiar to a lot of people, especially if you come from a Christian background or practice Santeria or Voodoo. I think people find it very easy to trust them and the information they provide as they are supposed to be divine messengers and incapable of doing you harm. 

Deity

Petitioning a diety you’ve built a relationship with can provide a reliable and powerful reading, but unless you are regularly making offerings to them, I doubt they would be willing to be your go-to source for info, and they can be biased. Also bear in mind that if you are reading for someone else, there may be some ethical quandaries in asking advice from someone who has very real influence over that person’s fate. 

Elementals/Fae

The fae are VERY PARTICULAR. They adhere to a strict code of etiquette and can get nasty when it is broken. RESPECT THE FAE. They certainly know more than we do and there is an advantage because time works differently for them, but they don’t know everything. Keep in mind that they will probably say that everything in the reading is happening at this very moment and you will have to discern what is past, present, and future because there is no distinction for them. If you have poor manners by human standards, do not try to work with the Fae. Do your research. 

Spirit

I love the dead. They give zero fucks. They care about you, sure, but if you are a mess they will call you out. Be prepared for that. Now when you are invoking spirit, be specific. Set parameters. Take the population of the earth, add 3 billion people, multiply it by ten. That’s about how many dead people there are. Not every spirit is wise, not every spirit is honest, not every spirit has good intentions. Try sticking to specific dead people you know, good and loving ancestors, and spirit guides. Don’t forget: sometimes, the dead don’t know shit. Leave an offering if you can, especially if you’re not petitioning your ancestors or guides who may just be happy you’re finally listening to them. 

Self/Higher self

I’ve found this to be the most reliable method of reading. Your higher self is basically the rest of you that you don’t remember since passing through the veil when you were born. You still exist, you’re just … elsewhere. To do this, you need only to look within. Focus your breathing and dig deep inside yourself. Visualize yourself digging if you have trouble accessing it. Doing soul meditations will help. You don’t know everything, but your higher self has access to knowledge the dead don’t, with the added benefit of knowing you the best. That includes knowing how best to communicate to you the information. Are you better with words or with images? Sounds, or a vague feeling? Quotes or memories? Your higher self will deliver the information you’re looking for in the way that’s easiest for you to interpret. 

In summation: Know where your reading is coming from, know how reliable it is, know what the limitations are. Understand that the cards are a tool, you are doing the divination.

Structure of the Tarot:

Suits

There are four suits to the tarot. They are each ruled by an element and correspond to a suit in a playing card deck. Each suit has its own set of characteristics and a domain it rules.

Swords: 

Swords are conflict. Anxiety, miscommunications, literal war, arguments, confrontations, and personal battles all show up as swords. Their elemental alignment is Air and their playing card correspondence is Spades. 

Cups:

 Cups rule emotions, water signs know what’s up. They are also the suit of intuition and matters of the heart. A lot of family cards are cups. The element is water, surprise! The playing card correspondence is Hearts.

Coins/Pentacles:

Money! Coins rule finances, inheritances, money problems, and fate. Their element is Earth. Their playing card correspondence is Diamonds, baby.

Wands: 

Coins may be money, but wands are work. Your job, your hobbies, your craft, your work ethic, and your life’s purpose all show up as Wands. Their element is Fire and their playing card correspondence is Clubs.

Minor Arcana

The Minor Arcana are broken up into suits. Each suit is set up like a playing card suit, with Aces, numerical cards (2-10), Page (Jack), Queen, King, with the addition of a Knight. A Page is a novice, a Knight signifies a quest pertaining to the suit, and the King and Queen embody different aspects of each suit. There is so much more nuance but this is a blog post, not a book. As for the numerical cards, I suggest a brief study into numerology as there is significance tied up into each number. As you study and build a relationship with the deck, cards will take on new and individualized meanings. 

Face Card Correspondences

Face cards can be used to represent the querent. Most people choose this on physical characteristics and assign a face card. Personally, I find this pretty eurocentric and so I tend to assign them based on the vibe of the person and match it to a particular card, if I do it at all. You are also free to use the Major Arcana for this, but you run the risk of limiting the scope of your reading, although sometimes you want that. 

Major Arcana

The Major Arcana is what truly differentiates reading with playing cards and using the tarot. The Major Arcana are 22 cards that represent overarching themes in your life, fundamental change, and archetypes you may be embodying or working with. They are by far the most recognizable and relatable aspects of the Tarot. Not everyone can remember what the six of cups means, but virtually anyone can tell you what Death means. They deal with the human experience and broad conflicts that are influencing you. Each card in the Major Arcana corresponds with and is ruled by a Zodiac sign or celestial body. While each card in the Minor Arcana speaks to a specific aspect or event, I view the Major Arcana cards as a specific vibe. For example, each semester you may want to do a ritual to invoke Big Hierophant Energy, maybe you want to curse someone with the Tower, fight depression with the Star, etc. 

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If you’re struggling to understand the meaning of each card and the role it plays in a reading, don’t worry. Each individual card will be broken down in the ongoing Better Know the Tarot blog series.

How to read:

Set realistic expectations. Even if you interpret every card correctly, not every reading will be accurate. Bear in  mind that your cards are not being organized by an omniscient force. As much as they would like it to be true, even the gods don’t know everything. 

First: Feel it out. Always rely on your intuition when reading. This is definitely hard as you first start out. You will doubt yourself. Maybe nothing will come to you. Do not be afraid to fail, or you will never develop your abilities to feel/see/hear/sense the message you’re seeking. Eventually, step 1 will be the entire process.

Second: Look at what is there. What do the cards say? Look at the meaning of each card and piece the information together. You are weaving a tapestry here, what story are you telling?

Third: Look for what is lacking. This can be the most revealing part of a reading. What is not present can tell you what the querent is avoiding, what they are afraid of. This particularly happens if the person you are reading for has psychic blocks up. Consider if there is any trauma they are hiding, if there are any secrets they keep that will affect the outcome of the question at hand. It’s possible that they may not realize that they are blocking you out. If you think that is the case, talk to them about it and get permission to keep pushing. If a reading doesn’t feel well-rounded, there is usually more to the story. We live a layered existence and nothing is ever cut and dry. Feel free to draw more cards to shed light on the situation, even if you are using a spread. It is safe to go off-book. 

Fourth: Examine how the cards relate to one another. 

Fifth: Take the advice that was given to you. Many people will do multiple readings a day hoping that if they ask a slightly different way, they will get a different answer. You will not. You may also be tempted to spend hours reading for practice. If you do many many spreads for yourself, things tend to break down. Mix it up and read for a friend, stranger, or celebrity. Have fun with it! 

Be prepared for the answers you get

You are gonna get your feelings hurt. The cards are honest. They are looking out for you though. Listen to them and you’ll find that they are nicer the more you work with them, or rather, you are less of a mess and you get the point quicker. One day, they may even tell you they’re proud of you. 

If you take one thing away from this intro:

Remember: Divination is a tool for self-discovery and self-knowledge, not a substitute for self reflection.

What to do with your old deck:

Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right. Sometimes the deck you used no longer works for you because of how much you’ve changed. Sometimes you have a cringy aesthetic as a teenager and every time you look at your cards you’re triggered. It’s cool. I got you.

Tarot deck swap meet

Send in an old deck or one you’re incompatible with and get another orphaned deck that’s been cleansed and chosen specifically for you!

Because many participants will be novices searching to find the right deck to settle down with, I will cleanse each and every deck submitted and send them out with instructions on how you can do it at home.

Please note that there is a $20 charge to cover the shipping of the new deck and labor for individually cleansing and matchmaking each swapped deck. I will not be doing a bulk cleansing because I want to make sure that the needs of each individual deck are met. I will send out your refurbished deck within 30 days of the swap signup deadline. If you don’t get in before then, don’t worry-- the date of the next swap will be announced when the first one ends. Please note that the deck you get may not be a perfect match, but it will be the best match for you from the decks that have been sent to the swap. 

If you donate more cards than you request, I will add a $10 site credit per deck to your account which can be redeemed for any of the services offered, no expiration or limit!

What you get: 

• A cleansed tarot/oracle deck specifically chosen with you in mind. 

• Instructions on how to cleanse it yourself

• A surprise from me!